Beliefs Singles Can Leave

January 4, 2016 Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Google+ Self Help

4 Beliefs Singles Can Leave in 2015

This will be the year: that you start getting up at five a.m. to go running, that you go on two dates a week, that you develop a system that keeps your closet clutter-free. There’s a funny optimism that occurs at the end of every year. Somehow, despite all evidence to the contrary, many of us become convinced that we’ll be able to alter fundamental aspects of our personalities—or at least become upgraded versions of ourselves. And every year, sometime around mid-March, we realize we’re still hitting the snooze button, still weeding through overstuffed closets, still spending way too much time with our Netflix queues. We didn’t become shinier, happier or more popular versions of ourselves. We’re still basically working with last year’s model, and we see that as a problem. When he came to Oxford in the 1960s, Buddhist teacher Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche was surprised by the way Westerners rejected themselves. The people he met, he observed, seemed to believe they had made some fundamental mistake, for which they were being punished. By contrast, Buddhist philosophy holds that all beings are essentially good. We’re like diamonds in mud; our fundamental goodness might get clouded with the muck of societal confusion and aggression, but it never changes. To access our higher selves, we don’t need to eradicate some terrible flaw. We simply need to clear off the muck and grime of unhelpful beliefs and attitudes. In that spirit, I’d like to suggest a few concepts to leave in 2015. 1) “I’m not FILL-IN-THE-BLANK Enough.” Thin. Successful. Funny. Attractive. Compassionate. Generous. The rap on single people is that they’re entitled and narcissistic. But the singles I have met through my coaching practice and book events are nothing like that. To the contrary, they’re kind and thoughtful—and incredibly hard on themselves. […]