Thinking about My Sex Life: Am I Kinky?


December 22, 2015 Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Google+ Sex


Thinking about My Sex Life: Am I Kinky?

“I like candle wax dripped onto my body when Jake and I have sex,” Marla said to her friend Anne over lunch. They’d gotten around to talking about their intimate lives, and Marla couldn’t wait to throw that particular grenade. She grinned slyly as she anticipated Anne’s reaction.

But the grenade just sat there, unsatisfyingly silent.

Anne shrugged. “Is that it? Is that what you meant by kinky?”

“Well, yeah,” Marla said, fork-stabbing a tomato wedge in her salad. “Maybe you didn’t hear me. Jake lights a candle and drips hot wax onto my naked stomach, and I get totally turned on by that.”

Anne smiled, patted her friend’s hand, and said, “No offense, honey, but I outgrew that years ago.”

“So you and Sid have vanilla sex now?” Marla couldn’t help it, she experienced a little rush of superiority at the thought of having a kinkier sex life than her daring friend.

Delicately holding the stem of her wine glass, Anne peered over the rim and into the swirling red liquid. She smiled again, this time more mysteriously. She set the glass down, looked around her at the busy restaurant, and leaned in close to the friend she’s known for two decades, since college. “Now? Now we…,” she started, and the rest she whispered in Marla’s ear, a hand cupped around her mouth, as Marla turned deeper and deeper shades of red.

When Anne finished her whispered confession, Marla said (somewhat out of breath), “Wow. Okay. I guess my kink is pretty vanilla compared to that.”

Am I Kinky? Kink, No-kink, or Somewhere in Between?

Despite our differences in perspective, there are many things in life that are fixed, that are not relative, that are not open to interpretation. For instance, blood pressure. You wouldn’t say, “Oh, my BP is 220 over 120, and I know that might be high for some people, but it’s fine for me.” Um, please get yourself to the nearest ER pronto…

But there are just as many things in life that are indeed very relative. For example, you might hear two people around the office coffeemaker talking about how much sleep they got the night before. “Man, this is gonna be a long day,” one says. “I’m already beat. I only got seven hours of sleep.”

While the other co-worker is saying, “I feel great today. I have so much energy. I slept for seven whole hours!”

And perhaps nowhere are things more relative (perspective-based) than in intimate relationships. Case in point: One couple might have sex twice a week and see that as frequent lovemaking, while another couple might not think they’re having enough sex unless they’re making love twice each day. One way is not better than another (unlike the blood pressure scenario!); it’s quite literally about what is best for each couple as well as how they see it. Satisfaction depends solely on whether or not the individuals within the couple are satisfied; it is not contingent upon any external gauge.  […]